DEAR Jasminda,
I AM someone who likes a firm handshake but some people in my social circle, and even at work seem to think it is acceptable to give me a hug or even a kiss.
How do I make my position clear without causing offence?
Alena P
Dear Alena,
There is nothing offensive about your desire to maintain personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. You should only accept what you feel comfortable with.
Some people are touchy feely and others aren’t and that’s ok, as long as each party understands the other’s position.
I’m a bit of an awkward hugger and kisser and this can result in the even more uncomfortable situation where I turn the wrong way for a kiss on the cheek and end up in a semi-passionate embrace.
My advice to you is to make the first move and be firm about it.
If you’re a handshaker, step forward with purpose and offer your hand.
Make sure the rest of your body is far away enough to avoid any unwanted cuddles.
Alternatively you can sneeze and/or cough/ and/or mention a nasty rash.
That should keep your more amorous acquaintances at bay.
There will, unfortunately, still be people who don’t pick up on not-so-subtle hints.
They may even try to make you feel bad by saying, ‘You seem really uptight. I’m a hugger.’
To this, you could respond, ‘Well, I’m a biter, so let’s keep a comfortable distance for both our sakes.’
You could then throw in the line from Silence of the Lambs where Hannibal Lecter describes eating a census taker’s liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Follow up with your best impression of Hannibal’s slurping noise.
Let your eyes glaze over to add to the effect.
This should keep Nigel from accounts in his rightful place.
Carpe diem,
Jasminda.
